Hiding Your Shopping Addiction: 15 Tactics in the Name of Love.
It was a few years ago that I reached a scary point in my marriage. I knew the day would come, but it was sooner than I hoped.
The day that, “oh this old thing?” didn’t work anymore.
You’re with someone long enough, they eventually figure out that your fabulous new fashion find did not precede their existence in your life. When that happens, you need to get a little craftier.
Am I talking about lying, hiding things? You could call it that. But I’m not talking about big lies. I’m talking about itty bitty, won’t hurt anybody, he might not even notice lies. Like when you scratch the car in the parking garage and play dumb (maybe it was him). Or when you spill wine on the couch and say the kids were climbing all over you.
I have been happily married coming up on 10 years. I can’t say I have figured out the formula for the perfect relationship, but I can say I have learned one critical, simple component for bliss: They don’t need to know everything. Including, just how severe that shopping addiction is.
Or... how much you look forward to hitting the “proceed to checkout” button.
Or… how it is actually impossible for you to go into Target and spend under $200.
Or… how you have 10 other dresses that would work for an upcoming wedding, dresses that you have been holding onto for years for this exact situation, but still want a new one.
Guys DON’T need to fully understand the rush we get from purchases, and they DEFINITELY don’t need to understand how often we chase that rush. It is better for everyone if they don’t. You are doing your relationship a favor.
Now listen. Whether you’re working in an office or working in a home or both, I have no doubt you are earning every dollar you are spending. But just because we are justified does not mean we feel like getting “the look”.
So in the name of Love, I am sharing my top tricks for hiding the true depth of a shopping addiction. You can thank me on your blissfully happy anniversaries.
Select gift receipt: You open the box, you don’t notice the receipt flutter to the floor. Take care of the evidence of what you spent before it’s an issue- select gift receipt at checkout.
Ship to an alternate location: Sending purchases to an office is probably the oldest (and easiest) one in the book. The move allows you to be strategic on when the fashion find is revealed, to catch him at just the right time.
Buy something for him: It’s amazing how distracting a gift for him can be in a box full of somethings for you. Doesn’t have to be brilliant. A funny coffee mug, new socks. He’ll just feel good that you are thinking of him.
Golf balls, or something of the like, are the perfect gift to remind him that some of his hobbies cost money too.
Callaway Warbird Golf Balls, 12 pk; $18
Address the package to your child’s attention: If a package is addressed to your kid, I think most of us assume it is a gift and not a purchase by mom or dad. Use this assumption to your advantage- guess Grandma has been feeling extra generous lately!
Cite basics and essentials: You don’t need to highlight everything that is in the box. If inquired upon, mention the stockings you ordered to replace your ripped ones and walk away quietly to open your package in privacy.
Consolidate packages: Several retailers offer incentives to combine shipments into less packages. Do it! There is mystery about how much you ordered if consolidated to one box. Not so much if you receive 5 boxes. And hey, you’re being environmentally friendly! Win win.
& Consolidate shopping bags! Go ahead and pass up the offer for multiple shopping bags when hitting up stores and combine your purchases into one bag. Better yet, pass up the bag entirely and tuck it into your kid’s backpack. You know you’re the only one going through that anyway!
My incriminating porch last week. Don’t let this happen to you. Consolidate the evidence when offered.
Reference money/gift card that you received: Someone was thoughtful enough to send you money for your birthday. They want you to do something nice for yourself. It would be indecent not to buy a gift you love. The fact that you have spent it 10x over is for you and you only to know.
Separate credit cards: If you’re not doing this already it’s a must. We each have each other’s credit cards for emergency use, but I solely manage one and husband solely manages another. This way you can maintain some privacy when you’re trying to buy him gifts- and gifts for yourself, too.
Put your new clothing into a dry cleaner bag: Nothing says not new like a trip to the cleaner! This one is great because even if he recognizes that he’s never seen it before, you can play the card that you haven’t worn it in forever because you needed it dry cleaned.
Dry cleaning bags bring the “oh this old thing?” excuse back to life, one fashion find at a time.
Amazon Dry Cleaner Bags; $12
Give yourself credit when you have self restraint: Call out that style you loved but couldn’t justify spending the money on. Play up the loss well enough, he might even encourage you- the overworked, always putting dad and the kids first, underappreciated mom- to go out and get yourself something.
Snip price tags: If there is any chance he’s not going to notice that it’s new, it’s going to be a dead giveaway when he sees a still attached ticket. You can also expect some serious eyebrow raising if there are multiple items in your closet with tags still on. The only thing more bothersome than extravagant expenditures, is extravagant expenditures that aren’t even used.
Not all price tags need to be pitched immediately… If you did get an insanely good deal, not the worst idea to leave that snipped price ticket in plain sight. Let him think that is how you always shop.
Oops, did I toss this crazy deal price tag under your keys instead of in the trash? What a silly Frugal Franny I am!
Talk about your big spender friend: Perspective is important here. Maybe you’re not great, but there’s always someone worse. Casually mentioning how much Mary Beth’s Gucci purse cost will serve as a gentle reminder that he should be thanking his lucky stars to have someone as financially mindful as you. If your friend is a real friend, she will understand completely and be happy she could help your cause.
Blame your changing body: This is pulling out the big guns - but he won’t touch it. Nursing boobs, shaking the baby weight- whatever. If you tell him your clothes don’t fit and you need new ones to feel good about yourself, he will (should) get quiet and leave you alone.
When all else fails, get the delivery person in on it.
Doormat DeCoir, $35
Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone!